Naruto DxD: The Pleasure Principle
by TheyCallMeArjun
Summary: A life of confinement on an island governed harshly by strict shinobi rule isn't exactly ideal for Naruto Uzumaki. He's a wild card in all aspects of his person: his unstable chakra and his boisterous personality are detriments to the shinobi society. However, a free-spirit cannot be contained. Naruto escapes the island, and sets his sights on a new life. Now, let the world beware.
1. Ain't Like the Rest of 'Em

Humanity's rare representation in the more supernatural side of life. They are few. They are hidden. They are the shinobi.

The maintenance and balance of the human race is what they strive for, goals that are secondary to remaining in the shadows.

Theirs is a methodical organization; every individual is carefully analyzed according to projected talent, potential for growth, and retention of the shinobi's strict discipline. Initial practitioners of the harsh discipline undergo difficult testing and rigorous training in order to be _eligible_ for the rank of Genin. From there, the ranks are appointed according to merit: a reputable action as well as sufficiently shown potential and loyalty results in genuine consideration for promotion to Chunin, and, from there, Jonin, a rank reserved for the most elite. The one who most closely embodies the integral traits of the shinobi, the one who is the most respected and acknowledged among his fellow shinobi is the one who is the indisputable leader of the Shinobi Organization: the Kage. Beneath him are his handpicked ANBU: the elite shinobi who are never seen yet are always present around the Kage.

Their fighting styles are varied and finely crafted through centuries of battle on the home-front. Whenever a skirmish of the Fallen Angels, Angels, and Devils spilled over to the human realm, the shinobi forces were humanity's unsung heroes.

Chakra is the basis of the shinobi's power. It enables them to perform feats unimaginable to the average human. Mastery of chakra requires years of strict training and constant usage. Chakra is something that needs to be cultivated through significant life experiences. These experiences act as enablers for the potential shinobi. These experiences activate the dormant power unique to the shinobi. From there, that human has an obligation to become a practitioner of the shinobi discipline. Whether he/she becomes an actual shinobi is to be determined.

This organization, however, is not without latent faults in the personage of some.

There have been certain shinobi who were unwilling to abide by the strict discipline. They often were the types that found the shinobi lifestyle and all its entailed secrecy and shadowy existence to be wearisome and thankless. They strove for something beyond what the shinobi discipline could offer. They had self-righteous ambitions. They had dreams of universal peace between all races with the Shinobi Organization spearheading the cause. Their motivations were almost always entirely at odds with that of the Shinobi Organization.

And so, they were silenced.

However, there is a wild card in their ranks, an issue that cannot be handled in the same concise manner as the other cases.

"I'm gonna be the best damn being in the whole universe!"

The shinobi with the motormouth, unbalanced chakra, and incalculable potential, not unlimited or boundless potential, incalculable. Fluctuating. Unstable. Dangerous.

"Every living being's gonna know this gorgeous face. The guys'll go nuts when they hear my name, and the chicks'll get a little weak in the knees."

His chakra isn't the only innate danger; his boisterous personality and aspirations are arguably more detrimental to the Shinobi Organization.

"I'll hit that top spot one day, and I'll never look back."

Naruto Uzumaki. Constantly fluctuating. Indescribably unstable. Unbelievably dangerous.

* * *

 _Naruto DxD: The Pleasure Principle_

 _Prologue: Ain't Like the Rest of 'Em_

* * *

One year old. A blond child giggles as his mother combs his normally untamed hair. He chants the word "mine" like a mantra while he claps his hands. His mother chuckles at the young boy's antics. The child makes a bit of a fuss, grabbing for the comb in his mother's hand. His mother, curious about her baby's actions, allows him to take the comb. She watches with a smile as he clumsily runs the comb through his hair while uttering a sound reminiscent to his own name. When he finishes, he makes a funny face in front of the mirror and shifts his stance slightly, giving his mother the image of a confident pose. She laughs. This is the first time she realizes how truly unique her child is.

Three years old. A blond toddler grins as he watches his mother go through her daily training. He admires his mother more than anyone else he has ever met. Truthfully, he hasn't met very many people. He and his mother generally keep to themselves, but of all the people in his village that he's met in passing, his mother is still the coolest person out there. Sometimes, his mother looks so sad, and that makes the toddler sad, as well. He wishes he could make her smile as much as she makes him smile. An idea runs through his mind, and he latches onto it. He cups his hands in front of his mouth and shouts a hearty cheer for his mother. She looks over, clearly surprised. Slowly, a brilliant smile appears on her face. Then, her eyebrows and mouth reflect determination, and she puts forth even more effort into her training. The blond toddler thinks this makes her look even cooler.

Seven years old. A young blond boy worries his mother. In the day, he was his normal, exuberant self. By the evening, he is subdued. She asks him what is troubling him. He freezes. Then, he shakes his head. He pokes around at his food during dinner, and during the night, his mother can hear him fussing in his sleep. Then, she feels _it._ She jumps out of her bed, and quickly walks to her son's room. She recognizes _it._ She hesitates at the door before making her way to his bed. She shakes him lightly. He awakens with a jolt, tears in his eyes. She brushes the tears away and hugs him. He clings to her and lets out a sob that rattles his mother's heart. She wishes he would be more forthcoming with his troubles. Two mornings later, the boy is seemingly back to normal. _It_ is still very much present.

Seven years old. A young blond boy shifts nervously in the examination room. Men and women in black look at him strangely before leaving the room and closing the door behind them. They talk outside. They are louder than they believe themselves to be. The boy could faintly hear their words; he only could understand some of what they say. According to them, he is an "anomaly." He looks over to his mother who is holding his hand and asks her what the word means.

Seven years old. A young blond boy struggles to hold back his tears. His mother told him he absolutely is not allowed to leave the house. The boy asked if it is because he is an "anomaly." His mother didn't respond. These days, his mother looks sadder than she's ever been. Sometimes, the boy catches her holding a picture and speaking to it as if speaking to a person.

Ten years old. A young blond boy concentrates deeply. His mother is currently away. He applies everything his mother has been teaching him in secret. He reaches deep within himself for the feeling his mother described. It is fleeting. It eludes his grasp. Then, suddenly, it makes itself readily available. The boy grasps the feeling tightly, but it fights against him and manages to escape his grasp. The boy snaps out of his retrospection, breathing heavily. He freezes. Faint footsteps quickly approach his room. Before the boy even has the chance to move or make a sound, he is apprehended.

Fifteen years old. A blond teen stares defiantly from the inside of a cell at his guard. He gives a flippant remark. The guard has heard it all before. Another boast from the teen. A scoff from the guard. To the teen, the self-assured comments are promises. To the red-haired teen in the cell beside his, the comments are inspiring.

Fifteen years old. A blond teen and a red-haired teen sail in a rowboat under cover of a nighttime fog. The red-haired teen is solemn, inside and out. The blond teen is restless. He talks through the entire voyage. Even when the red-haired teen falls asleep, the blond teen keeps talking, not to the red-haired teen and not quite to himself. He grips the large sum of money his mother gave him prior to his escape as he talks about happier years. He talks about his mother training. He talks about how much he loved her smile. Then, he talks about the incident eight years ago that changed his life forever. He talks about his mother silently suffering. He talks about his own silent suffering. He talks about the isolation he was subjected to. He smiles as he talks about the secret teaching sessions with his mother. He frowns as he talks about his imprisonment. He smirks as he talks about the future. The red-haired teen stirs in his sleep.

* * *

"Damn, I'm so hungry!" Naruto said, flicking his blond bangs away from his blue eyes. He slumped down in the rowboat and groaned. "I don't know, man. Jail... jail's looking pretty good right now."

"I don't understand how you can say that," Gaara said in his usual inexpressive tone. His red hair blew with the cool sea breeze as he turned his pale blue stare upon his companion. "You always talk about how much you hated it there."

"At least I got fed on the daily back in the cell. Food wasn't too crappy, either," Naruto said before his stomach rumbled loudly.

Gaara held a ration bar in front of Naruto's face.

"Get that freeze-dried foot-tasting shit out of my face this instant, young man."

Gaara lowered the ration bar and went back to rowing.

A silence spread between the two.

"You know I'm joking, right?"

Gaara looked over at Naruto.

"Like, the world could just _end_ right in front of us. I'm talking a black hole sucking everything up a couple meters in front of our faces," Naruto said, pointing ahead at the steady blue waters. "I still wouldn't turn back."

Gaara looked back at the water ahead of him and continued rowing diligently, a small smile now on his face.

"But I'll be going back there, one day." Naruto stood and turned to the direction from where they set sail.

"Why?"

"For my mom," Naruto responded immediately. "No way in hell am I letting her stay in that place. People like us, man...People like you, me, and her... there ain't a damn thing worth while for us back on that island."

"When that time comes, I will accompany you."

Naruto turned around to face Gaara who was still rowing calmly. "You're serious, aren't you?"

Gaara nodded. "You are the reason why I saw fit to leave. I believe that I will lead a much more enjoyable life away from that island. You have been the catalyst for this beneficial change in my life, and I believe that is grounds for gratitude. That is how I will show you how grateful I am."

Naruto stared at Gaara's back for a moment, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open slightly. "Whoa, Gaara. Have I told you yet that you're a total bro and the best friend that I've ever had?"

"I believe I am the only you've ever had."

"You're going to go there? Kick some dirt in my face while you're at it," Naruto said, glaring at Gaara through squinted eyes. He scoffed and turned his head away obstinately. "Whatever, I still say you're a bro."

It became silent, again.

"Well, in any case, until I decide it's time to go back and get my mom," Naruto said, smirking at the sea ahead of him, "I'm going to live it up like a fiend on the other side. See the real world, meet new people, find myself a beautiful chick to get frisky with, get stronger, get my mom back, become the greatest being of all time, and... and... profit, I guess," he finished lamely.

"That sounds quite enjoyable. I am looking forward to what awaits us on the other side of this sea," Gaara said. Naruto noticed Gaara tiring, so he took the red-haired teen's place rowing. "This water, it is like a bridge. From despair to hope, we are taking the journey into the unknown. I do not know what we will see when we arrive, but I am exhilarated and pleased that I am not alone in this journey."

Naruto flicked an imaginary tear from his eye and sniffled. "Oh, Gaara. You and your words. You're right on the money, man. We're going to take the world by the balls and seize the life we should've had a long, long time ago," Naruto said. Then, he punched his right fist into his left palm. "You're exhilarated? Well, I'm fucking stoked. _Let's go!_ " He threw his hands in the air and shouted freely. Even Gaara couldn't contain his excitement as his arm rose with a clenched fist to join Naruto's raised limbs.

* * *

Black tomoes in red eyes spun furiously. The black-haired man called forth his loyal standing forces, his ANBU. They appeared in an instant, addressing the man as Lord Kage. He spoke his orders in a controlled voice that betrayed his anger. The ANBU went forth, hell-bent on completing the orders.

For the sake of the Shinobi Organization, for sake of remaining hidden in the shadows, Naruto Uzumaki could not be allowed to live anywhere except in confinement on the island, and anyone who aided in his escape could not be allowed to live.

* * *

 **Okay, readers, that's what I have for you for the day: an idea spawned during a game of beer pong and written that same night, something I hope gets you excited enough to follow this story's progress. Vague framing of events, powerful optimistic statements, and grave situations; I hope they're all enjoyably confusing.**

 **Til next time.**


	2. Have Resolve - Will Travel

_Chapter 1: Have Resolve - Will Travel_

* * *

Kurenai Yuuhi, a young woman with long, black untamed hair and enrapturing red eyes, eyed her comrade evenly: a man with bandages covering his mouth. A massive sword was strapped to his back, and his cold eyes bespoke years of toiling in the Shinobi Organization. Among the shinobi forces, the man was commonly referred to as the Assassin of the Mist, Zabuza Momoichi. He nodded, for what, Kurenai wasn't entirely sure. Regardless, she nodded back.

They were the hand-selected Jonin chosen to pursue the wayward Naruto Uzumaki and the mysterious red-haired youth. Their targets were travelling the ocean, so Zabuza's water-centered techniques were ideal. They were also tasked with capturing their target, so Kurenai's subtle illusory prowess and better temperament would be integral to reigning in Zabuza's quick-to-kill style.

Either way, two Jonin against two young, inexperienced children? That was one more than the task would demand.

* * *

Naruto made a face as he finished his third ration bar. He coughed wildly before tossing the wrapper into the surrounding ocean. "Bleh! It tastes like struggle," Naruto said, before going back to rowing the boat. "The damn thing ain't even filling." He looked over his shoulder at his red-haired companion who was sitting upright with impeccable posture.

His eyes were closed, however.

Naruto scoffed as he rowed just a bit more aggressively than before. "You better not be asleep. You gotta ask for permission before you get any shut-eye on this damn boat." Naruto glanced at Gaara again. "Okay, then. What do you call a cow with only two legs?"

Nothing could be heard except the natural cadence of the ocean and the sound of Naruto's oar breaking the flow of the water and spurring the boat forward.

"Your mom!" Naruto burst with boisterous laughter, nearly dropping his oar into the ocean with his chaotic mirth. He glanced back at Gaara, again, and grinned when he saw his eyebrow twitching. His grin completely disappeared when Gaara's lips curled into a pronounced frown.

"You're not really asleep, are you?" Naruto asked, fairly confident that he knew the answer.

"No. I am not and was not asleep. Your jokes are very strange, Naruto," Gaara said, his eyes never opening.

Naruto had nothing to say to that. He just kept rowing, silently pretending that the last thirty seconds didn't happen.

Seconds turned to minutes, minutes into hours of traveling. Naruto had been rowing for majority of the time, because Gaara had actually fallen asleep. Without much to do, Naruto had taken to speaking to himself. He commended himself for his escape from the island. His speech became little more than braggadocio as he spoke with hungry anticipation about what he'd do once his feet touched land. Then, his voice hitched.

"Mom, you were all I had back on that island. You were the only person who didn't look at me like I was some damn menace or a skid mark or...or some weapon. I had to get out. Yeah, but I know I don't have to tell you that." Naruto sighed as he rowed, persisting through his exhaustion.

"I've always listened, you know. Everything you've ever told me and even the things you didn't, I got it all in my heart, and that's where it's going to stay," Naruto said, squinting through the fog that started forming in front of him. "It's going to stay there when I touch down on a new life. It's going to stay there while I take this life where nobody's taken it before. And you better believe it's going to be there when we meet, again, Mom."

"How touching."

Gaara snapped out of his sleep immediately at the sound of the unfamiliar, gravelly, derisive voice, and Naruto froze, his eyes wide and his body stiff.

The fog became heavier.

"The hell is this? The fog came out of nowhere, and that voice... please tell me we weren't followed."

A guttural laugh permeated the invisibility. "You just might get the chance to meet your mom for a second or two, kid. Hope you enjoyed this breath of fresh air, because you and other brat are coming straight back to the island."

The voice was impossible to pinpoint, since it seemed to come from all directions.

Gaara stood and walked closer to Naruto. "This fog is more mist-like. It certainly is not a natural phenomenon, either. It would seem that our pursuer caused it," Gaara informed, keeping his low enough so that only Naruto could hear him.

Naruto acknowledged Gaara with a cursory glance before turning his attention back to the disembodied voice. "I'm guessing you're going to be the one to bring me back?" Naruto started laughing. "Oh, my sides. I didn't know the Shinobi Organization crapped out comedians. Keep'em coming, man. I could use a good laugh after all those years of being locked up."

A reserved, womanly voice spoke, this time. "His attitude is just as the rumors suggested: boisterous to a fault."

"Mr. Chuckles brought a lady friend. Hey, how about you hop in this rowboat and ride with these cool cats?" Naruto offered. Gaara kept a close eye on Naruto, well-aware of his inner plight that his outward confidence wouldn't suggest. Naruto managed a quivery grin. "We'll introduce you to... bigger and better things."

Naruto couldn't actually see through the mist to confirm whether his female pursuer caught on to the innuendo or whether she was affected by it in any way, but he was positive that she was. Just a gut feeling.

His male pursuer, on the other hand, chuckled, seemingly enjoying his seek-and-reclaim mission more than he probably should.

For the moment following the laughter, it was completely silent. Naruto and Gaara's eyes rapidly searched and scanned the surrounding area futilely. With the mist as thick as it was, they could barely see each other regardless of their close proximity.

Something in Naruto, some unconscious force, guided his body as he grabbed Gaara and hopped out of the rowboat and into the water, just in time to avoid a savage strike from the blunt side of a large sword that destroyed the boat.

As Naruto and Gaara swam through the water, Gaara noticed a strange occurrence, namely Naruto's eyes changing colors several times.

Naruto and Gaara chose to swim under the floating remnants of the boat, hoping to avoid being sighted.

Today was proving to be an all around unusual day: for a moment, Naruto would swear that he lost consciousness. When he snapped back, he realized that he was still under water with an unresponsive Gaara in his arms. He surfaced, breathing heavily and shaking his unconscious travel companion.

"Gaara? Come on, man, up and at'em. This sure as hell ain't the time to go night-night, damn it!" Naruto whispered harshly.

"That's odd. Weren't we told that neither of the two kids received any formal training?" the female pursuer asked.

"Yeah, that's what I remember hearing. One of those kids is using Shadow Clones and Transformations." the male pursuer said.

Naruto was familiar with those techniques from his secret training with his mother. He figured Gaara must have used them to bailed them out, then passed out for some reason.

"That same kid broke out of my genjutsu, too. I'm beginning to understand why we were both sent."

"Damn, Gaara. You were whooping ass, huh?" Naruto whispered, mostly to himself. Naruto, with Gaara in his arms, swam slowly, trying to be as silent as possible.

"Water Style: Water Bullet Jutsu."

Naruto felt the same thing as before as something within guided him to raise his right hand out, open palm. Then, he blacked out, again. When he came to, the mist was gone, and Gaara was showing signs of waking up.

Naruto looked around the now clearer area for anything remotely threatening. Minutes passed, and it seemed like the danger had passed. Naruto's eyes, regardless, had not lost their alertness and he just couldn't calm down. The newly awoken Gaara got out of Naruto's grasp and looked at him strangely, a mix of confusion and reverence in his stare.

"I was not aware you were so adequately trained, Naruto," Gaara said.

Naruto was floored. That statement essentially confirmed that Gaara hadn't been as integral to their surviving that bout as he had previously thought. Considering Gaara was under the effects of a genjutsu for a decent portion of the it, Naruto guessed that he, himself, must have done something.

"Neither was I."

* * *

Kurenai and Zabuza kept their heads bowed before their leader. When they returned empty-handed and deeply wounded, they were immediately escorted to the Kage, their no-nonsense, intolerant leader. One piercing stare from their leader had Kurenai and even Zabuza fearing retribution.

Underground. Bitter cold. Stifling. The Kage's residence was simple in design, by design. The only things that separated the room from an inhospitable trench were the wooden chairs and the single table, adorned with numerous seals, in the center of the room. The walls were black, the table was black, and the Kage was dressed in black. Several candles dispersed through the room kept visibility acceptable to the human eye.

Suddenly, their leader chuckled. The two Jonin froze at the ominous sound.

"On this day, the Shinobi Organization's greatest potential tool escaped from the island. My ANBU have yet to ascertain how that was possible or who exactly was involved." He chuckled once again, sending shivers down the Jonins' spines. "Then, I send two of my elite to capture two _children_ ," he said, slamming his cane into the ground, "and they return in such a pitiful condition."

The Jonin knew better than to simply apologize. "If you allow us, Lord Kage, we will rectify the mistake. They couldn't have gotten too far since their boat was destroyed," Kurenai said, her head still bowed.

"No," he said, seemingly more calm than before. "I suspect that boy's power will demand a proper battle to subdue. We cannot risk that so far off the island. The supernatural beings would likely sense the battle and jeopardize our secret presence."

Kurenai and Zabuza remained silent, unwilling to speak and potentially provoke their leader. They raised their heads, however, and were met by their Kage's thoughtful expression.

"You're no longer needed."

Kurenai's eyes widened.

"Don't worry. I have no intention of killing you two. You may leave."

"Yes, Lord Kage," they both said, bowing their heads and leaving the room.

Not long after, black-clad figures wearing plain white masks emerged from the shadows of the room. Each of them immediately got down on one knee and bowed their heads. The Kage looked over his handpicked ANBU expectantly.

"We have investigated everyone with the motive to aid in Naruto Uzumaki's escape. We have a primary suspect in Kushina Uzumaki, but we have reason to believe that she elected the help of other shinobi, possibly one of the shinobi tasked with guarding Naruto Uzumaki. We have no proof, however, and every person we've interrogated has remain tight-lipped," one of the ANBU, the captain of the squad, spoke.

The Kage smiled sardonically. "I've trained my forces too well, it seems."

"The perpetrators will be found."

"Yes, I am confident that they will," the Kage said, his uncharacteristic smile remaining in place. His usual hardened eyes softened as he looked at his most faithful forces almost fondly. "I have an assignment, high in importance, that I can entrust to you, my most loyal men."

Their masked faces rose.

"This will be a long term assignment for whoever undertakes it. You will likely face opposition from the Devils and Fallen Angels, possibly even the Church's forces." The Kage rose from his seat and walked around his table to stand directly in front of his ANBU. "Become Naruto Uzumaki's shadow. Befriend him if you must. Keep him alive and foster his growth. Find a way to bring him here of his own volition. Stay in contact with me, and I will aid in the planning."

The Kage looked upon his ANBU, the men that had each earned his respect and a place in his exclusive good graces, the only men who he allowed to address him by name. They had each earned the right many times over among their years of service, and, undoubtedly, they would continue to earn the right for more years to come.

"As you command, Lord Danzo."

* * *

Naruto squinted at the light brown-haired man and the blonde woman sitting before him. The frustrated blond leaned back and groaned. He glanced at the unruffled Gaara. "I'm not the only one who can't understand a lick of what these guys are saying, right?"

"I was beginning to believe that I was still under the effects of a genjutsu. Their accent is interesting," Gaara responded rather quickly.

Naruto focused his eyes back on the brown-haired man and the blonde woman who were kind enough to pick them up after spotting the ragged boys swimming the vast ocean, directionless. Neither Naruto nor Gaara felt threatened by the two, so they climbed aboard, thankful for the timely intervention.

"I'm super grateful you guys let us on your boat," Naruto said, waving his hands in rhythm with his speech, "but I really can't understand a single thing either of you've said. Like, at all."

The brown-haired man and the blonde woman looked at each other, shared some words, and turned back to Naruto and Gaara, cryptic smiles on their faces.

"Oh shit, this is where we die, isn't it?!" Naruto said, his voice cracking a bit. "Killers! The both of them!"

"Naruto..."

"Cannibals, too!" Naruto accused, pointing a finger between the two unknowns. "You want to eat me? Eat my ass!"

"I do not believe they have that intention, Naruto."

Naruto wasn't listening. "I like meat, too, but hell if I try to nibble on fingers and toes! Eat some chicken, you grimey bitches!"

The brown-haired man and the blonde looked at each other, again, before exploding with laughter.

Naruto's accusations gradually fell off and his finger shakily dropped. He looked at Gaara, mouthed a "what the fuck," and turned back to the sources of the spontaneous laughter. Naruto nervously started laughing, too. He nudged Gaara. "Laugh, man. Laugh if you want to live!"

So, Gaara started laughing, as well. The mechanical sound actually got Naruto to stop laughing for a second as he glanced at his companion with narrowed eyes, but he restarted his nervous laughter shortly after.

Meanwhile, the presumed couple's laughter grew in intensity, prompting Naruto and, subsequently Gaara, to bump their laughter up a notch.

"I'm so uncomfortable, right now," Naruto said, his voice muffled by awkward, fake laughter transitioning into pitiful sobs.

"When do we stop laughing, Naruto?" Gaara asked on account of his mouth beginning to hurt.

"When the scene changes, Gaara. When the scene changes..."

* * *

Naruto, bored stiff, spun a pen in his hand as he half-listened to a man prattle on about things like "displacement" and "deportation." To his right, Gaara's occasional nods of understanding proved to be more interesting than what the fine-dressed official sitting in front of a paper-cluttered desk was saying. Every once in a while, the man would say something that required affirmation on Naruto's part, since Gaara hardly seemed like the type to offer answers to strangers. In which case, Naruto would give the answer that seemed most likely to accelerate the damnable process:

"We just got lost in the ocean on a boat ride."

"Sure, we're from Japan."

"Gaara? Oh, he's just super tired. He probably doesn't even know what marijuana is."

"Yeah, this is hair dye."

"Yes, we dye our eyebrows, too. Judge me, dad."

Also, the dynamic duo had somehow found themselves in the thick of the primarily English-speaking continent, Australia. Neither Naruto nor Gaara had enough semblance of knowledge in geography to understand what that actually meant. Initially, the two were thought to belong to one of the few Japanese communities in Australia. That theory was destroyed by the pair's total lack of recognition of any part of Australia. A bit of investigation revealed that the two were undocumented. The following step was blatantly obvious.

Finally, the Australian official slid stapled papers across his desk to Naruto and Gaara, respectively, looking between the two expectantly. Naruto glanced at the man before focusing on the papers. "Sign'em and we're on our way out, right?"

"In a way, yes. Your signatures will expedite the process considerably. You will be agreeing to your departure without a hearing, so-"

"Easy there, you had me at 'yes.'" Naruto's hand glided across the papers. He looked over at Gaara when he finished and noticed him falter when he had to write a family name. Gaara looked at Naruto, his eyes subtly and profoundly requesting something deeply personal. Naruto nodded, prompting Gaara to turn his attention back to his papers, signing them almost eagerly.

Gaara smiled as he finished signing where necessary.

 _"Gaara Uzumaki."_

* * *

Naruto stared outside of the window of the plane bound toward the Land of the Rising Sun, amazed by the sight of up-close clouds and the vast oceans. He chuckled while glancing at Gaara from the corner of his eye. "Can you believe we were going to try and swim that?"

"I would like to discuss what happened when we were attacked on the ocean," Gaara said, his voice barely a whisper.

Naruto gave Gaara his full attention before quickly surveying anyone within earshot on the small plane. Then, he turned back to Gaara, solemn expression on his face. "You're going to have to fill in some blanks for me. I was kind of dipping in and out of consciousness. So, you tell me what happened as far as you can remember, and I'll try to explain whatever I can."

Gaara nodded, taking a second to recollect his thoughts and memories before beginning. "The first strange thing that happened was the moment our boat was destroyed. You reacted far quicker than an untrained individual should have been able."

"Yeah," Naruto confirmed. "At the time, I felt something in me that just screamed to grab you and move. Hell, it was like someone plugged a wire up my ass, pressed the fast forward button, and controlled me. I just didn't feel like I was doing anything myself, you know. After that, I kind of blacked out for a bit."

Gaara's eyes widened slightly. "You were not conscious? You employed an ingenious strategy, Naruto: Before we were spotted underwater, you created two Shadow Clones and used a combined Transformation Jutsu to transform us into a single fragment of our boat. Our clones were caught by the male in a spherical water prison. Most impressively, your clones exploded, destroying the prison and wounding the pursuer. Throughout, your eyes were cycling between their usual blue, to black, to red, and a combination of black and red."

A goofy grin graced Naruto's face. "So, I'm subconsciously the fuckin' man? That's what I just heard."

"Past that point, I cannot speak, because the woman ensnared me in a genjutsu. I suspect you broke out of it, somehow."

"After that, I snapped back, and you were unconscious. I tried to wake you up, but then those guys spotted me. The last thing I remember from that point is the man firing something at me. I raised my hand, and then... nothing. I came to, again, and they were gone." Naruto squinted and scratched his head. "Wonder what the hell I did to make them run off like that."

"If I had to explain it, somehow, I would say that you subconsciously react to anything you consciously see as a threat," Gaara said, eyeing Naruto unblinkingly.

"Huh? Why the hell do I do that?"

Gaara was silent for a moment as if trying to think of valid answer. He sighed when he couldn't form a decent hypothesis. "That, I cannot explain. You are special, Naruto. I suspect this... power of yours is part of the reason you were imprisoned on the island."

Naruto scoffed at the mention of his imprisonment and the island. "That island can blow me for all the fucks I give about it. My mom is the only reason I'll ever give that place a second thought." Naruto sighed, calming himself down before he launched into an impromptu rant. "So, what were you locked up for, fellow prison bitch?"

Gaara's eyes fell to his feet.

Naruto winced. "You don't have to talk about it, man. Just trash talk that damn place," Naruto said with a comforting smile for Gaara's sake. "Trust me on that one. It'll make you feel better."

"I don't know why I was imprisoned. I was never told. There are many things about myself that I am unaware of, Naruto, and... it is quite scary, I must admit."

Naruto placed a hand on Gaara's shoulder. "Don't sweat it for even a second. We're going to hustle through this and figure these things out. I don't know a whole lot about myself, either, but it sure as hell ain't gonna stop me from tearing it up and making a name for myself. Don't let your fears stop you. Make'em your motivators. And whenever things get to be too much, keep this gem in on the brain." Naruto moved his hand to Gaara's other shoulder and pulled him into a half-hug. "I got your back, Gaara."

Gaara's eyes widened, even seemed to tear up. He smiled, the slight curve of his lips appearing bright as a star. "Yes, I will keep that in mind, Naruto."

* * *

 **Heh. Some explanations have been given. Many things still remain a mystery. Naruto and Gaara, hilariously enough, ended up in Australia and deportation is how they'll touch down in Japan, meet new people, form deep relationships, and experience unimaginable struggles.**

 **An untrained blond with odd powers and a mysterious red-haired youth against the whole world.**

 **Chapters will generally be in the 4000-6000 word range from this point onward.**

 **Til next time.**


	3. So You Wanna Ride with the Smart Mouth?

_Chapter 2: So You Wanna Ride with the Smart Mouth?_

* * *

Thumbing through the stack of cash that Kushina gave him, Naruto resisted the urge to scream. The tantalizing hot chocolate and its scent-baring steam lost appeal as reality gripped Naruto's optimism and squeezed. He settled on a pronounced groan instead as he went through the tedious process of counting the money, again. He yawned before placing his elbow on the table and leaning his head against his hand as he did the task.

It was night - that curious in-between time after dusk and before dawn, in particular. Drunks were stumbling their ways to their homes, fresh out the bars. Lights were out in most properties and had been for the last few hours. People were in the thick of their night-shifts, dreaming of big bucks that are woefully absent in their paychecks, the well-being of their families, and their bosses sudden and spontaneous passing via alien abduction. Meanwhile, there was a melancholic blond and a mild-mannered redhead sipping on hot cocoa, marshmallows included, of course, dying on the inside.

Naruto was, at least. Gaara, as usual, showed no discernible outward reaction.

"That's the seventh time you have counted the money, Naruto. I do not think the amount will differ from the previous six times," Gaara said, drinking his hot chocolate in gulps despite its scalding temperature.

Naruto glanced up from the money to glare at Gaara. "You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

Naruto sighed before stuffing the money in his pocket. He calmly took a sip of his drink, nodded, then exploded. "We're so screwed! Screwed, be we. S-C-R-E-W-E-D. What does that spell?"

"Screwed," Gaara offered.

"No, it spells 'Naruto and Gaara if they don't find a way to make some money ASAP.'"

"I believe it spells 'screwed,'" Gaara corrected before finishing his drink.

"Whatever. The point is, after buying that apartment, we're so low on dough, the hobos want to give _us_ change, know what I'm saying?" Naruto said, slumping in his seat and laying his head on the table.

"Rent is due next week, as well."

"Fan-fucking-tastic. What a success story we're making here: We lived crappy lives back on that island and were both imprisoned for one reason or another. We make the most kick-ass escape, and row our way off the island. Whoo-hoo!" Naruto said, looking excited and pumping his fist. Then, he scowled and drooped in his seat. "But then we get chased by shinobi from the island and our boat gets destroyed! But it's all cool, because we get picked up by some chill Australians. Yay!"

Gaara waited patiently as Naruto paused for dramatic suspense.

"But they don't speak Japanese, and we don't speak English! Then, we get deported, for fuck's sake. We get to Japan, and I'm thinking, 'Oh yeah, this is where the good stuff kicks in,'" Naruto said, shaking his head vigorously. "Hell no! We were basically suspected terrorists since neither of us have any kind of background that the big wigs could find. They pretty much say they don't trust us, at all. We get some random schmuck of a volunteer tutor forced on us to help us play catch-up for school. And here we are, today: broke, sipping hot chocolate at 2:00 am, crossing our fingers that we gave that Kuoh Academy entrance exam the business, wondering how we're going to _not_ die by next month. Ugh!"

Gaara blinked.

"This is the part where you tell me it's all going to be okay," Naruto said, his head still on the table and his voice now muffled by his arms.

"It's all going to be okay," Gaara said.

"...Thanks, Gaara." Naruto lifted his head slowly. He turned to his right where the lone employee of the twenty-four hour cafe was standing when he and Gaara first walked and placed their orders. It hadn't occurred to Naruto while he was ranting that he and Gaara weren't alone and that he probably shouldn't have said half of what he said out loud.

As expected, behind the counter was a very perturbed teenager, holding a smartphone at about eye-level. "Totally going on YouTube," he whispered to himself, before stuffing his phone in his pocket.

Naruto let his head hit the table with a dull thud. "Fuck."

Gaara just blinked, again. "May I have another hot chocolate?"

* * *

It was 9:00 am. The sun had risen and proudly illuminated the Japanese town. However, in Naruto and Gaara's apartment, that morning sunlight was noticeably absent. The two sat in the middle of the living of their remarkably bland apartment with the lights off and the blinds shut. There were absolutely no distractions and no excuses.

Naruto and Gaara had their hands formed into ram seals. Their eyes were closed as they reached for the mysterious power within them. This was one of those rare moments of stress-free downtime. Between their recently completed tutoring and learning about their new environment, Naruto and Gaara hadn't had much time for themselves. Training was a luxury that time simply did not allow until now.

"My mom said that to use chakra, you got to find a balance between your physical and spiritual energy," Naruto said softly, his eyes closed and his posture the picture of serene. "I guess that type of mumbo-jumbo works for some people, but for me, I like to think of chakra as everything that we are. It's our life, our power, the thing that makes us feel things like sadness, happiness, confidence, and all that good stuff. Look for that, grab it by the balls, and don't let go."

Gaara did as Naruto instructed and reached within. Minutes of strenuous effort had Gaara eventually opening his eyes and relaxing his posture.

Naruto sensed the movement and opened his eyes, as well. "What's up?"

"I do not believe I have unlocked my chakra, yet."

Naruto's eye twitched. "Yeah... I can see how that'd put this training thing on hold." Naruto relaxed his hands and gave Gaara his full attention. "I remember my mom saying that anyone who's got what it takes to be a shinobi will have their chakra unlocked by significant stuff that happens to them. Breaking out of jail and getting attacked on a rowboat wasn't enough for you? What, are you stubborn?"

Gaara shrugged and averted his eyes.

Naruto tapped his chin. "Hmm. Maybe you just don't have it or maybe those experiences just didn't cut it. I don't know. Everyone's a special little snowflake... or something like that. What's super significant to one person could be dog shit to someone else. You might just need an extra nudge."

Gaara nodded and opened his mouth to say something, then closed it just as quickly.

Naruto's eyebrows rose. Gaara normally wasn't too shy to say what was on his mind when they were alone.

Gaara's eyebrows furrowed as he seemingly dredged up the courage to say what he wanted to say. "How did- What happened to you that unlocked your chakra, Naruto?"

Naruto wordlessly stood from his place on the floor and walked to the kitchen, his body and stride uncharacteristically rigid.

Gaara lowered his head, ashamed that he offended his only friend. He quickly lifted his head, his eyes apologetically lit. "Naruto, I am so-" Gaara had to raise his hand quickly to catch the water bottle that was tossed to him.

"It was the day I found out the shinobi island was no place for me, the same damn day I realized that all the people I looked up to as a kid were bullshitting me everyday," Naruto said, his voice low and chilling. He took a sip from his own water bottle. Then, he shook his head with a scowl on his face. "I didn't really get to meet all that many shinobi, but the ones I did meet were always encouraging me, saying how I'd be the pride of the Shinobi Organization and how I'd be the hero that they needed, know what I'm saying?" The squeaks of the water bottle in his hand broke Naruto from his fitful reminiscence. He took a deep sigh to cool himself down. "Anyway, I found out that I'm pretty much more of a trusty hammer than a person to them."

Gaara didn't know what to say. Any kind of reassurance that Gaara could give Naruto would seem so feeble. Normally, Naruto was the self-assured one, but moments like these, when he spoke about his past, displayed a side of Naruto that Gaara couldn't believe existed. Gaara was beginning to notice that Naruto wasn't nearly as steady as he would have him believe.

So, the redhead stood, walked over to Naruto, and placed a firm hand on his shoulder. Gaara gave the blond a meaningful look. There were no spoken words, but the meaning was conveyed, regardless.

Naruto grinned and his stance relaxed considerably. He shotgunned his water bottle and tossed the empty container. His grin became catlike as he darted past Gaara and into the bathroom. "I call first dibs on the shower!"

Gaara stared at the closed bathroom door even as the telltale signs of the shower sounded through the apartment.

"Oh, glorious hot water! All mine! Take me away!"

Gaara couldn't suppress the smile that spread across his face.

* * *

"Good news, everyone. We're having two new students join us this year."

Immediately, the students started kicking around ideas about the newbies.

"It's, like, the middle of the year. Who transfers at this time?"

"Yeah, you're right. That's kind of weird, isn't it?"

"I hope they're a pair of cute guys."

"Screw that! I'm hoping for some more gorgeous babes! Bring on them booties 'n' titties!"

Hi-fives went all around the guys. Their grins were certainly bright and boisterous, but neither of them could hold a candle to Naruto's mischievous grin as he walked in with Gaara right behind him. Naruto turned to face the guys who were hoping for new, attractive female students. He struck a provocative feminine pose. "Am I everything you wanted and more?"

Most of the guys flinched and looked away.

Naruto burst out laughing. "Look at the faces on'em!"

The teacher cleared his throat to get Naruto to calm down. "How about you two introduce yourselves to your classmates?"

"My name is Gaara," he said, giving a miniature respectful bow.

The teacher looked at Gaara expectantly. Gaara merely returned the stare with his own unblinking, unrelenting gaze.

Naruto smirked. "That's all you're getting out of Gaara for free. Don't sweat it, though. I can do enough talking for the both of us." He cleared his throat and struck what he believed to be a cool stance. "Hey, everybody! I'm Naruto Uzumaki and I love all of you, unless you're a lame-o. You all know the peeps I'm talking about. I'm a boss at scouting out the lame-os."

The room was deathly silent as Naruto leveled a narrowed eye stare at every occupant.

"Anyways," Naruto said, suddenly brightening up, "my brother and I are a long way from home, and we don't really know anyone. Chat us up! We're a good time."

"Okay, class, give Naruto and Gaara a warm welcome." The teacher initiated an applause and the class followed suit with welcoming smiles.

Naruto grinned, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Aw, thanks everyone." Naruto turned to the teacher. "So, where do we sit?"

The teacher pointed at two empty desks near the back of the classroom. Tossing a wave behind his back, Naruto walked to his spot with Gaara following closely behind. On his way, Naruto noticed quite a few gorgeous young ladies. One in particular, a girl with outstandingly long, vibrant black hair, bangs that framed her delightfully charming face, and an eye-catching bosom that pressured her white uniform button-down shirt. Her captivating violet eyes engaged Naruto's unwavering baby blues.

He quivered subtly.

Naruto facetiously blew her a kiss and shot her a half-smile. The recipient of his attention smiled beautifully. Naruto's eyes widened when he realized she was sitting directly next to his assigned seat. He closed his eyes and mouthed a "thank you" to whatever higher power was responsible for his fortune. She giggled softly when she noticed his action.

Naruto took his seat, and Gaara took the one immediately behind him. Naruto looked over at the long-haired beauty to his left with a small smile. "Hey, nice to meet you," he whispered, relaxing in his seat. "You got my name. Think I can get yours?"

"Akeno Himejima," she whispered back, smiling, as well. "Nice to meet you, too, Uzumaki. That was a rather interesting introduction. I think you're going to be on everyone's mind here for quite a while."

His grin widened, revealing hints of well-kept teeth. "Just as long as I'm on your mind, that's what matters to me, know what I'm saying?"

"Oh my," she giggled. "Quite forward, aren't we?"

"Nothing but me just being me. And call me Naruto, and I'll call you Akeno, if that's cool with you."

"That's alright with me, Naruto. I hope to have an exciting rest of the year with you, here."

* * *

Quite a few students followed a specific group through the bustling halls after class. For once, it wasn't because a group a guys wanted to tail and perv on one of the two great beauties in the school. Their ears were finely tuned to the conversation between the new transfer student, Naruto, and the locally famed beauty, Akeno.

"So that's when I decide that those Australian guys weren't really trying to eat us. Super chill guys - I hope they're doing well, maybe picking up other freaks at sea," Naruto said, hands in his pockets, laughing at his own joke as he proceeded down the hall next to Akeno.

Her eyes were wide and her mouth was open. Then, she chuckled behind her hand. "You say this so sincerely that I am almost tempted to believe you." She outright started laughing when Naruto nodded eagerly. "But then my rationality comes back to me."

Naruto took a deep sigh as his shoulders slumped. "What, do you want pics for evidence or something?"

"That might help, yes."

"Take a dive, sweetheart. Dip your toes in the deep end, know what I'm saying?"

"Not really, no."

Naruto made a face before perking back up when something occurred to him. He looked with squinted eyes around the hall and the assembled students for any hint of red. "Where'd Gaara go? I figured he'd stick close by, since neither of us really know this place all that well," he wondered aloud. Then, his eyes focused on the bigger picture. "Hello?" he said. "Autograph signings at three, sharp, not while I'm kicking it. Seriously, can I help you all with something?"

The students that were following Naruto and Akeno promptly looked around at each other, slightly embarrassed, before scattering with murmurs among them.

Naruto scratched his head and watched them go. "Uh... thank you and good night! I'll be here all week." With that, he turned back and started walking with Akeno, again, trusting Gaara to be all right wherever he happened to be within in the school.

"Are you interested in joining any clubs, Naruto?"

"Huh?" Naruto looked at Akeno for a second before averting his squinted gaze elsewhere. "Not really. I like my free time to be free, know what I'm saying?"

"Oh, don't be like that," Akeno said with a disarming smile. "Are you afraid you might find something you enjoy?"

Naruto made a face with a raised eyebrow before he started grinning at her. "Wh-What's that 'A' word you just used? Af-Afra-? Whoa, I can't even pronounce it!" He and Akeno chuckled for a bit before they settled down. "You sound like you got something in mind for me. Let me hear it."

Akeno stopped walking as they reached a window in the hallway. She shuffled past a student like she was smoothly gliding on her feet and signaled Naruto over. When he reached her side, she pointed at a three-story building that stood proudly and properly just across the grassy lawn with trees surrounding it on all sides, except the entrance. The barred windows and the third-story clock tower were the only indications of age on the otherwise modern-looking building.

"Pretty nice, don't you think? If you meet me in there after classes, I'll give you a tour of my club," she said, holding her hands in front of her fixedly.

Naruto eyed the building critically and hesitated. When he glanced back at Akeno, her smile caught the words in his throat before he could voice them. He let the wall take some of the weight off his feet as he sighed. "Sure, I'll be there. Don't know for how long, though."

"Great! I promise you won't regret it. I'll see you then, okay?"

"Sure. Later," he said, smiling slightly and waving as she walked away. He glanced back at the building across the courtyard, eyeing it through narrowed eyes. Movement on the second floor stole his attention: a shapely red-haired beauty opened a window and smiled as the breeze caressed her. From what Naruto could see, the girl was absolutely eye-catching, but he was too far away to make anything more than general features.

He coughed and looked around. Shrugging, he decided to find Gaara, wherever that happened to take him.

* * *

"Gaara, you're the fucking man!"

Naruto stopped in his gait, having heard the exclamation from just outside the school's cafeteria.

"Why are you just now coming in to my life, Gaara?"

Naruto was now in front of the cafeteria door, his face belying his confusion. He peeked around the cafe in an attempt to get a grasp on the oddity: students crowding around a single table, guys and girls falling over each other trying to get their few seconds of contact with a certain red-head, and a handful of bitter students sulking their lack of popularity in a corner.

"Hey, Gaara," Naruto called out. His eyebrow twitched and his eyes narrowed when it seemed as if Gaara didn't register his voice. He cupped his hands in front of his mouth. "Gaara! Oh, so now that you got a taste of fame you changed up on me?! Too good for your day one friend? Get your ass over here!"

Gaara certainly heard him that time. When the red-haired runaway turned, Naruto signaled him like mad. Gaara stood up, shuffled around the crowd, and made his way to Naruto.

Naruto slapped Gaara's back and kept it there as they walked out of the dining hall amidst a "Gaara" chant. "Damn, Gaara. You just converted a whole cafeteria to Gaara-ism, and you still look like you just read an encyclopedia, front to back."

Gaara shook his head. "School is a very strange place."

"Yeah? Sounds to me like you'd fit in perfectly, know what I'm saying?" Naruto let his hand slide off as they walked the halls. "Before I forget, you're probably gonna have to walk home solo, today. I'm touring a sweet ass triple-decker club house. Don't know if I'm actually going to join, though."

"Okay."

"Now, don't give me no lip, kiddo, or no ice cream after dinner."

"Okay."

"That's it. You're grounded until I figure out how to lick my elbow."

"Okay."

Naruto laughed. "You stopped listening like yesterday, didn't you?"

"Okay."

* * *

Naruto sighed while he walked across the well-kept grassy field that separated the main school building from the three-story clubhouse, his destination. "Tour the awesome crib, hear what they gotta say, decline all invitations, and get back to doing my thing. That's how this goes down," he said, before he reached the front door of the clubhouse. He gave the door a few rapid taps. "Anyone there? I'm here for a tour. Akeno invited me."

Seconds later, the door opened, revealing a familiar red-haired lady.

Naruto's skin prickled.

"Oh, it's you, window girl," Naruto said, once he remembered. He quickly admired all her features. "Is this, like, Japan's Next Top Models Club? Heh, I can see why Akeno invited me, if that's the case," he stated with a half-grin.

The girl at the door was markedly silent in her confusion.

"It was a joke! Come on, you don't have to laugh, but you don't have to act like I just came at you in Swahili, know what I'm saying?" Naruto visibly shrunk back with a pout that tapped the girl's funny bone. She tried valiantly to stifle her laughter, but the dam broke.

Naruto coughed in his fist while the red-haired girl struggled to maintain her mirth. "Yeah... we'll keep in touch. Or not." He started walking away, but the girl grasped his forearm before he could take a step.

"Sorry about that," she said, still chuckling between her words.

"You don't sound sorry."

"It's just that statement and the pout." She cracked up at the mention.

"Yeah, my face is funny. I get it. Let's move on," Naruto said dryly. "Name?"

"Rias Gremory. I am this club's president."

"Naruto Uzumaki. I am hella humbled."

Rias smiled and allowed Naruto in the clubhouse and up to the second floor. She ushered him to couch while she took her place on a chair behind a table. Naruto, despite himself, felt his body easing into the environment. What with the wood-paneled interior and the comfortable chairs and couches that lined the walls and meshed perfectly with the decor. On top of that, the place was spotless, save for the few papers atop Rias' table.

"Well, first, I should mention that this is the Occult Research Club. I am the president and Akeno is my vice president."

Naruto blinked. "Occult research...?" He tested the words on his lips. He crossed his right leg over his left knee and let his arm rest along the back of the couch. "You mean, like ghost and that jazz?"

"Not exclusively. Not especially, either, I would say," she explained, a smile playing at her lips as she seemed to find amusement in something.

"Not really following you, Pres."

"Well, the Occult Research Club embraces the possibility of all supernatural beings, especially those that people tend to more commonly believe in."

Naruto paused and chewed his words before responding. "I'm gonna assume you don't mean supernatural as in superpowers and secret identities like those American comic heroes."

Rias' smile widened. "I mean, specific beings," she said. "Devils and Angels, to name a couple." She paused to allow Naruto time to say something as he had been doing, but he kept quiet, his eyes prompting her to continue. "Our method is to... understand and appreciate these beings for what they are and reach for a balance of sorts between them."

"Gotta be honest with you, I don't know all that much about religion, so that'd go like a mile and a half over my head."

"That's okay. You don't need any former knowledge. We'll accommodate you," Rias said, temptingly, "if you choose to join, that is."

Naruto pulled at the collar of his uniform shirt as his face became warmer. Her voice was a tad too sultry in that moment to be natural. He chuckled the edge away. "You ever think about being a saleswoman? Some door-to-door entrepreneur shit? You just got that voice, I don't know, like, I'd do anything you told me even if it was wildly dumb." A smirk found its way to Naruto's face. "Or that's how it would go down if I wasn't guy with _the_ most unshakable resolve, know what I'm saying?"

"Is that so?" she said deliberately, her hands laced in front of her face and her eyes dancing with mirth.

"Fact."

Both were ignorant to the sound of a door opening and closing, but they slowly noticed the approaching footsteps.

"Oh, Naruto." Akeno's voice snapped Naruto from his Rias-reverie. "Sorry I couldn't meet you at the door. I was enjoying the shower a bit too much, I suppose, and I lost sight of the time."

Naruto checked her over, appreciating the sight of Akeno in only a towel. "Nice outfit. You should, uh, wear it more often."

Akeno glanced down at her form, seemingly remembering that she was, in fact, not properly dressed. "Oh my, excuse me."

Rias and Naruto watched her as she excused herself and stepped into another room.

"So, you guys got a shower in here? How about a kitchen? A man-cave? A football field?"

Rias seemed to consider something. "A kitchen might not be such a bad idea, now that you mention it."

* * *

The apartment was still. Eyes closed, body motionless but not unfeeling, Gaara searched introspectively for any hint of the feelings and experiences that represented chakra, as Naruto had explained to him in the morning. He wasn't seeing anything. However, that wasn't quite accurate.

He was seeing nothing.

His eyes opened and he sighed. Gaara stood from his place on the floor, but not without a stumble. He straightened and stood entirely still in the center of the apartment. Some minutes passed and he sat in one of the few chairs he and Naruto owned. Several more minutes and he stood again.

Then, he heard a small cluster of rapid knocks on the door.

* * *

After Akeno got properly dressed, she gave Naruto a tour of the clubhouse in all its three-story glory. Afterward, the three occupants of the clubhouse enjoyed brief small talk.

"Here," Rias said, handing the seated Naruto a club application form.

Naruto eyed the paper critically and made to hand it back. "This was a good time and all, but I'm-"

"I insist." Rias made no move to accept the paper back in her hands. "Give it some thought. Sleep on it. If you enjoyed speaking with us as we have been, you would likely enjoy being a member of our club."

Naruto glanced at Rias, then back to the paper in his hands. "Yeah, I guess bouncing it around in my head won't kill me."

"Unless, of course, you want to fill out the form, now. Feel free to," Akeno said with a charming smile, handing Naruto a pen, to which he shot her pointed look.

He folded the paper and stuffed it and the pen in his pocket. "You ain't getting this pen back." The hand in his pocket made some minute motions that Rias and Akeno were only vaguely aware of. He stood up after a bit of glancing around the room. "Well, it's been real, ladies. Who knows? Maybe we'll get the chance to kick it like this sometime soon."

"I hope so, Naruto. Goodbye for now," Rias said.

Akeno waved him away.

"Charming young man, isn't he?" Rias said, eyeing Akeno as her shoulders relaxed.

She didn't respond.

"I was quite surprised when you told me that you were bringing a special boy for me to see. I was always under the impression you hated men, Akeno."

Akeno made her way to stand next to the seated Rias. "I did. I still do. He isn't an exception."

Rias concealed a frown. "I'm sensing a 'but.'"

"But he is a special case worth looking into. I assume you sensed something unsettling about him, as well?"

"Yes, I did. I'm still attempting to sort through in my mind what it could be, though," Rias said, lacing her hands in front of her face and furrowing her eyebrows. Her eyes idly retraced Naruto's movements around the clubroom, as she had remembered them. Her eyes honed in on a speck of white between the cushions of the couch Naruto was sitting on.

Akeno followed Rias' eyes to the unfamiliar speck before the girls looked at each other quizzically. Both walked over to the couch. Rias reached to pick up the speck, which, on closer look, appeared to be paper.

It was the application form she gave to Naruto, blank as when she handed it to him, save for the sloppy writing directly beneath the line that prompted the applicant's signature. Akeno looked over Rias' shoulder to see for herself.

 _"Consider me a definite maybe ;p"_

"Is that supposed to be a winking face?" Akeno asked, to which Rias nodded.

"Never let it be said that Naruto doesn't have a streak of subtlety within him," Rias said, humor evident in her voice.

Akeno's lips twitched.

* * *

Naruto stepped through his apartment's front door with a bag in his hand and smirked. "Hey, Gaara! Daddy's home! I got dinner, man. Let's knock this back!" Naruto shut the door behind him and flicked the light switch on. "Gaara? Where you at, celeb?"

Gaara walked around a corner slowly in his gait. "Naruto," he said, his voice hitching almost imperceptibly, "we have company."

Following behind Gaara, a somewhat tall man with long orange hair tied into a ponytail bowed his head as his hazel eyes made contact with Naruto's darkening blue eyes. "Hello, Naruto Uzumaki. I am a runaway from the very island you escaped from. It is nice to meet you in person."

The ensuing silence was palpable before Naruto slung the bag in his hand over his back. "Yeah," he said slowly, his voice lower than usual. "There ain't no fucking food in this bag for you."

* * *

 **Been a hot minute since I cooked up anything relating to fanfiction. Hoping I'm not too rusty.**

 **Few things worth mentioning:**

 **I figured I'd adapt Naruto's verbal tic "Dattebayo!" in some way, but I didn't want to randomly throw in Japanese words in an otherwise entirely English script, so I translated it to "Know what I'm saying?" I figured it's close _enough,_ and it jives with Naruto's casual personality.**

 **Action's coming soon with the original, introductory arc I have planned. Don't worry about that. I'll take care of you. Right now, I'm more concerned about world and character-developing.**

 **And if you're confused about something, you're probably supposed to be. It's intentional, I swear, haha. Well, that's what I got for you for now.**

 **Til next time.**


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